*** NEIGHBORHOOD ALERT *** NEIGHBORHOOD ALERT ***
The Editors of the Bolton Hill Bulletin received an anonymous missive identified only as being from Rudolph, North Pole, Planet Earth that the Bolton Hill neighborhood should prepare for the arrival of a large, cookie-devouring individual sometime between midnight and dawn on December 25. Homes with working chimneys are especially attractive to this seasonal visitor.
To prepare for his arrival, Rudolph suggests the hanging of stockings and leaving out a plate of cookies with a glass of milk next to the fireplace (if you have one). It is unknown at this time whether or not the visitor, who has been reported to be male, elderly, bearded and dressed in a red coat and pantaloons, has any dietary restrictions.
Those who wish to avoid contact with the visitor may choose to stuff a pillow up the chimney, leave out carrot sticks, or pre-emptively place lumps of coal into their stockings.
The Editors thank Rudolph for his timely warning. Please direct any questions to: North Pole, Planet Earth.